Don't mind me. I'm just screaming into the void...

I do fill-in full-time. My favorite app is GoTu, but it's been super slow, and I'm having a hard time finding jobs. I believe the reason for this is two-fold. All offices seem slow right now and are having trouble filling their schedules enough to justify bringing in someone to work for the day. The second issue is personal. 

I've had several offices in a row try to cut my hours short. GoTu is great in that it guarantees the hygienist the entire day's pay, even if the afternoon falls apart and the office sends you home. At least, that's what they tell the hygienists... 

I couldn't figure out why this kept happening to me, so I did a little digging on the site. Turns out, when you look at the FAQ for the dental offices, it tells them that they only have to pay for the hours worked by the hygienist if they send us home early. Wait...

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?? How did GoTu not catch this?? They're telling the clinician and the dental practice two conflicting rules, and people like me are getting shafted because of it! I can't confirm, but I highly suspect, that all of these offices block me after I have to advocate for myself to get paid the agreed-upon rate. They get pissy thinking that I'm just being a greedy twat when I tell GoTu that the last three patients canceled or that I didn't take a two-hour lunch just because I didn't have a patient at 10am, then saw a patient, then took my lunch hour as scheduled. Grrrr.

Due to this, I started using another app (Cloud) that was dead in my area but now has oodles of jobs. OK, fine. I get the month scheduled. 

Last Wednesday, I checked the app in the morning because I got a message from an office confirming for the next day. I then check the app later that night to see how far away the office is to know when to set my alarm. I got a message from that same office at 6:13PM saying, "Oops! Schedule changed. So sorry. Have to cancel."

Excuse me?? There's no time to find another shift that late in the afternoon after all offices have closed. I just started using this app, so I dig through their poorly and confusingly worded TOS to discover THEY HAVE NO BOOKING GUARANTEES FOR HYGIENISTS. 

GoTu has an excellent cancelation policy. If an office cancels within 24 hours of the scheduled shift, the hygienist gets paid 100% of the agreed wage, which is only fitting. It's not my fault the office screwed up or had a catastrophe. I don't have to do a thing. The money is put into my account within 48 hours. 

Cloud, on the other hand?? You have to send an email, and they'll "determine" whether you "qualify" to receive their "cancelation fee." Guess how much that fee is. Go ahead. Guess! Nope. Lower. Loowwerrr. Keep going... Ready? SEVENTY-FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS!! This office, which canceled within 12 hours before I was scheduled to get ready to go to work, doesn't get penalized, no demerits, no stern wagging fingers... nothing. I'm out $400 and this company gives zero shits. Did I email them back? Hell yes, I did. And these assholes had the audacity to tell me, "We're very sorry you're frustrated." Frustrated?? Rent is almost due and I recently had to spend $1800 buying new loupes after mine broke (after only FOUR YEARS). I need money, not your passive-aggressive bullshit apology. 

So then Sunday night rolls around. I get a text from an office manager confirming me for Monday. Wait, what? I tell her I'm not scheduled to be there tomorrow, as I have a doctor's appointment to deal with the burning in my shoulder and carpel/cubital tunnel syndrome. She tells me we discussed it in the office, don't I remember?? What?? Why would I "discuss" working and not have it on my calendar? Why didn't you book it through the app? THIS BITCH IS TRYING A GASLIGHT ME FOR HER MISTAKE! There was no "discussion." I know myself. I would have put it in my personal calendar, or told her to send me the invite and I'll scoop up the shift on the app. Who does this twit think she's talking to?? I apologize, even though I did nothing wrong, then sit and fume that this woman just flat-out lied to me.

So I go to the doctor on Monday. I walk in, and the receptionist is looking perplexed and talking to me like she's confused as to why I'm there. I ask if I'm in the right office, suddenly feeling stupid. She's acting like she's never seen a patient before, what someone could possibly be doing in her office, or why she has a job, or what year it is. Good grief, woman. Are you OK? We establish that this is the right office, and I do have an appointment. She asks me why I'm there. She says I need to fill out some paperwork. I tell her I did all of that online. She says that I put I was having issues with my foot in my paperwork. I tell her no, I didn't. Within the first five minutes, this bitch, with her 1980 hairspray mullet, four-week-old grown-out acrylics, and condescending attitude, is already on my last damn nerve. She finally gets her shit together and tells me to have a seat—lousy start. 

They take me back, and I tell them it starts from my neck, then goes to my shoulder, and then my hand goes numb. They take x-rays of my neck only. The doctor comes in and tells me he doesn't see anything wrong with my neck. I look at the x-rays and agree that nothing seems obviously wrong, but he tells me I need to see the elbow guy. I say, but my shoulder hurts. Nope, elbow for cubital tunnel. Ok, fine. 

I make an appointment for the next day. Go back. Miss confusingly confused grouchy pants is in a better mood. They take me back. No x-rays. A different doctor comes in. Talks loud and fast. He does the exact same tests the first doctor did and says you need a nerve test. But the first doctor already did those tests and wrote what my problem was in my little chart there. So why am I here? I tried several times to cut in and say something to clarify or ask a question, but this guy just steamrolled right over me. I'm annoyed. I'm confused. He says that's just how it is in our compartmentalized healthcare system. He leaves, and I get handed a card and told the nerve test people will call to set up an appointment. I've been there less than 30 minutes. BUT WHAT ABOUT MY FUCKING SHOULDER??

I get in the car and I'm angry. I'm pouting. I want to cry. I know what medical sexism is and I'm angry at myself for letting this doctor and this office treat me like this. I'm angry that I have to see three (maybe four) different doctors for my neck, shoulder (that NO ONE HAS ACTUALLY ADDRESSED YET), elbow, and hand and pay a copay for each appointment. I'm angry that I filled out new paperwork saying that my shoulder hurts, and no one bothered to look at it or ask me how. I'm angry that I've been in pain all my life, so I've been putting off dealing with my neck, shoulder, and hand since 2021. But when I finally go looking for help, no one is listening to me, and I have to see a dozen people for three body parts. 

So that's my rant. I have no one to talk to about this kind of stuff, so I needed to get it off my chest. I didn't want to go into work tomorrow pissed off and in pain. So now I'll only have to go in pain. I love dentistry. I hate what it's done to my body. Patients are mean, and temp companies are either shady, stupid, unprofessional, or a combination of the three. I'm tired, and I'm sad. I'll never have enough money to retire. I'm stuck in this hell until I'm too crippled to move, and then what? I'm struggling to suppress the overwhelming nihilism and apathy that's creeping into my brain. This is just a rough patch. I know it'll get better. Until it isn't. Again. 

If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep. Stay strong, ladies.

Edit to add: So I get up this morning to go to (what I thought) was a new office. I'm driving along, and things are starting to look familiar. Too familiar. I panic. I suddenly realize I'm going to an office I did a working interview for and hated every minute I was there. The instruments were so dull, they're dangerous, and they are just as dull as they were a year ago. The manager had sent me a text last night saying that I "might be able to go home a little early since a couple patients canceled." I look at the schedule. I'M ONLY BOOKED FROM 7:15 TO 11:30AM. Nothing is stocked. They only have those stupid bitewing tabs that don't attach to an XCP ring. Fucking hell. They spent a fortune on a fancy waterfall in the lobby but can't be bothered to send their instruments to be sharpened or fix all the janky, broken equipment I keep finding. 

All my patients were lovely. One of the dentists complimented my x-rays with perfect open contacts and no cone cuts--a skill I am rather proud of, and I'm sure she's used to looking at shitty x-rays since they only use those idiotic bitewing tabs. I'm devastated to realize I have to go back on Monday and have several shifts scheduled throughout October with this awful practice. I'm shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you, that this office has a turnaround rate faster than a tweaker at a Bonnie Tyler concert and can't keep a hygienist employed. Sarcasm is leaking from my pores.

And I'll address one thing. I love doing temp work. Usually. I've never kept a dental job for longer than a year. I always get burned out and start having so many medical and mental health issues, I force them to fire me. I like making my own schedule, having the option to block an office if it turns out to be a clusterfuck, and not having to see the same annoying people every day. So no, a full-time job is not the answer. I'm just going through a hiccup and it'll pick up again. That's my hope, anyway. 

I'm home. I'm drinking a beer, a rarity for me these days. Thank you all for your lovely comments, advice, kindness, and e-hugs. It means more to me than you'll ever realize. I love this group very much. 

*hums Total Eclipse of the Heart*